Executive Ultra Realistic


“Contents of our Executive Ultra Realistic kit:

  • Five inch ultra realistic prosthetic penis (available in 3 skin tones)”


“Residents of Pennsylvania, Arkansas, North Carolina and South Carolina may only purchase this kit minus the clean urine and therefore must choose ‘NO SAMPLE’ from the ‘Select Sample Type’ options box below. Kits are NOT available to residents of New Jersey, Kentucky, Oklahoma and Illinois. If you are from one of the aforementioned states and would like to purchase one of our Executive Ultra Realistic kits and samples then you may have it shipped to a friend or family member in a different state.”

Telegraph — The hunt for the killer hairballs

Spotted this one via jwz. Some choice quotes:

Flushers tell stories of accidentally getting a gobful of the sewer flies that feed on the fat or of metal grating giving way so that they fall into eight-feet-deep fat-quicksands; the mouthfuls of the stuff they swallow leave their guts raw and hollering for months on end.

“You can go home and shower as much you like – even with washing-up liquid – but at the end of the day you’re still farting the smell of rancid fat. My wife’ll say: ‘Oh, I see you’ve been sorting fat problems out…'”

They’ll cackle as a hungry gang member finds an orange among the dirt and fat and promptly starts eating it. Or at the desperate worker who loosens his uniform and has a dump in a corner. Life in the sewers is hard, and humour – the coarser and blacker the better – raises flagging spirits.

Suddenly I have gone off my lunch.

Can this person be for real?

First read these threads:

I hope for the future of humanity that “Police_Driver” is trolling. Choice quotes I particularly enjoyed:

“Often I put the rear seats flat, this reduces weight. (Like why you crawl flat across a frozen pond so as not to break the ice).”

“The rear seat thing, It is rare that I fold them down, but it has to be said that when folded they remove a bit of weight. Vertical seats exert more downward force because the energy is focused on a smaller surface area. When horizontal, the weight is spread and so is less per Centimetre squared.”

“The tyres thing, I am aware that this is technically an offence, HOWEVER, so is having dirty windows, an empty washer bottle or a two-toned horn. Tickets for these things are going to be darn rare, and if I were to be so unlucky as to get one I would be more than happy to pay the £30 and put it down to bad luck.”

Hilarious whether true or fake, but also rather worrying if this imbecile is actually on the roads.